“Space Jam: LeBron James Edition” asks, “’Space Jam,’ but what if ‘NBA2K Live’?”

That is not subtext. “Space Jam: A New Legacy” literally takes place inside a computer server, or as Don Cheadle’s Al G. Rhythm calls it, “The Serververse.” This server exists on the Warner Bros. backlot, and acts like a giant mansion hosting a party for every major character in Warner’s catalog.

I can already see a video game launching from this. Want to hoop it up as Rick from “Casablanca” or Alex in “A Clockwork Orange”? Ready Player One! Just writing this paragraph seems like an invitation to let the cynicism set in.

Alright . . . let me push my cynicism back a little. “Space Jam 2” is about how LeBron James learns to stop being a lame dad who tries forcing his sons to be like him. His youngest son, Dom (Cedric Joe), likes basketball, but loves designing basketball video games. The kid wants to go to Game Design camp, but King James expects him at basketball camp. Apparently this passes as irony because James actually plays a game for a living but does not seem to recognize the opportunities present in designing and playing other games. For a guy whom the movie’s opening montage establishes as a worldly, sensitive dude, the James we meet seems less progressive than Homer Simpson.

Meanwhile, Don Cheadle (whom I will keep calling Don Cheadle because I hate his character’s name that much) wants to make more corporate decisions at Warner’s, or something, and hitches his car to the LeBron train. Unfortunately, LeBron doesn’t want any new cargo, so Don Cheadle kidnaps Dom and forces LeBron to put together a digital basketball team to square off in an exhibition game for the fate of something. It is dumb, and the stakes keep upping in that Darth Vader “Pray I don’t alter it any further” way.

So LeBron, like Michael Jordan before him, puts together a team of Looney Tunes characters to face off against a team of NBA and WNBA digital Monstars. From a purely basketball standpoint, this is pretty funny because playing general manager is a criticism LeBron has been hearing for pretty much his entire career. Unfortunately, he can’t just grab Superman or Neo from “The Matrix” since that would be too easy, and this is a Looney Tunes movie. That leaves him with the stable of cartoons, including Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Speedy Gonzales, and Wile E. Coyote.

While the 1996 “Space Jam“ was not as great as some remember it, at least most of it was hand drawn. The whole production of the “Space Jam Reboot” is digital now, and since corporate synergy is a force to be reckoned with, we can’t just enjoy the traditional Looney Tunes antics. Nope, we have to see 3-D versions of these classic characters cross-pollinate with every WB IP imaginable (except Gone With the Wind, obviously) so they can completely redesign Six Flags Magic Mountain over the next few years.

There’s that cynicism again.

Ugh.

I wish there was something I could recommend about “Space Jam 2K Live.” I wish I liked the animation. I wish I could put on a set of undiscerning 6-year-old eyeballs and watch this movie as it is obviously intended—a wacky, open-hearted adventure culminating in a video game basketball match for the fate of something. I wish my love for LeBron James the human and basketball legend could transfer to LeBron James the actor. Unfortunately, this movie is a two-hour commercial for Warner Bros.’s brand. It is so obvious even Don Cheadle looks like an uninspired bot instead of an Oscar-nominee. You can see him wincing in front of the ever present green screens. It is soul sucking.

Obviously, this movie is bad, but as a Lakers fan, it leaves a bitter after taste. I blame “Space Jam: A New Legacy” for the Lakers’ recent first round loss against the Phoenix Suns.

LeBron chose the Toon Squad over the Lake Show, and that hurts.

“Space Jam: A New Legacy” is currently in theaters and available to stream on HBO Max with subscription.